She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
