Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
