This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
