the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize