I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
