i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
