What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
