Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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