Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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