I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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