How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
