had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
