FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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