you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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