I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
