you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
