My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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