ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
