I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
