Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
