I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are we still banned from the library?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
