She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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