u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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