I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
