my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
