I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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