That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
