Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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