This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
