I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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