My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
