i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
