my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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