i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
