I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have aggressive nipples.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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