Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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