he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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