Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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