After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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