Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize