i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
