It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
