When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
