I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
