i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
