How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I could fuck to npr.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
