when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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