She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
