This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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