I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
