yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
