I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
