I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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