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i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The Olympian is in my bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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