Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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