I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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