Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
