a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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