We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
