Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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