oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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