I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
