Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
