so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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