I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
