i think i have two assholes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
