If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
