she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
