I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
