There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
as a side note pls kill me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
