he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
